Ambush/The Man I Killed

Q & A 

Q: Who tells the story in this chapter? 

A: The narrator of this chapter is Tim O'Brien, the character, telling a story of the man he killed.  

Q: O'Brien knows many intimate details about the man he killed. How does he know this? 

A: I believe O'Brien does not know the man in any way. These details he seems to "know" he is most likely just inventing, they are a result from his guilt. O'Brien's conscience and mind is deeply affected by the murder he committed. I would say imagination is co-working with guilt to produce these ideas. Humans tend to always depict these thoughts about "what if," "what could be," ect; O'Brien himself is going through this proccess. The sight of this skinny young man with the star-hole eye inspires O'Brien to dream--His guilt however, is what inspires the specific generalization that the victim was a good man. Its almost as if he is putting more weight on his shoulders; he is blaming himself for seizing the existence of a valuable human being. 

Q: Where do the details come from? 

A: Like I mentioned before, these details are a product of a combination of Tim O'Brien's guilt and imgination. Another factor that deeply affects these ideas is the things the man carried and his appearance. For example, "His chest was sunken and poorly muscled--A scholar maybe," (The Things They Carried, pg. 118.) The quote above not only gives the reader insight on how O'Brien judged the man, but also by using the word "maybe" one can see that the details are probably assumptions. 

Sweetheart of the Song Tra Bong

Mary Anne comes into the Vietnam War being an all American girl; time passes though,  and she becomes more passionate with the Vietnamese culture. It becomes kind of an obssession, an obssession that consumes her bit by bit. Eventually Mary Anne evolves into a savage, a killer. But how did her values change so dramatically in a matter of just weeks? Well maybe the chick isn't a killer, maybe she just emerges herself into the Vietnamese culture which we view differently than our Western-World background. But for the most part, it is not only this Asian culture that gets a hold of her, but its is the wilderness in the land itself. 

Imagine. You are in a war field. You live amongst the wonders of nature and  yet the terrors of technology such as guns and grenades sorround you as well. You seek protection and safety rather anything else, you cling to your life. Violence and threat sorrounds you; the only thing that can fight back is the same force of violence. It doesn't matter if you are a young, old, female, male, a newbie or a veteran--Bottom line is that you need to adapt to survive. Mary Anne surprised all of the men, they were very impressed by how this kid adapted to the wild war. However, Mary Anne didn't just physically adapt, but she also adapted mentally and a little too much I would say. It seems her mind did not hold up, it did not keep strong. The barbarious land and the culture consumed every piece of her brain, changing her moral and values. She became a savage, a killer. 

The reason why O'Brien allows Rat Kiley to tell the story is because he is the one who experienced it. Rat Kiley, since he lived this situation, was able to put in a lot of soul, voice and description in his story telling. On the otherhand, when Rat narrates the end which he did not experience, the passion in the story was lost. As a reader, I no longer found the story believable; primarily because the narrator himself wasn't too sure of what he was saying anymore. I do believe that Rat's story fits O'Brien's

criteria of a true war story. First of all because O'Brien claims a war story does no illustrate proper human behavior; of course, Mary Anne's wild side was deffinetly not the most exemplary behavior. The second criteria is that a war story is linked to obscenety, Mary Anne's actions do become repugnant at some points such as the tongue necklace. The third criteria that made this war story believabble is that it is so wild, astonishing and improbable that it is very possible that it did take place in a war setting. 

Spin

"All that peace man, it felt so good it hurt. I want to hurt it back." (The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien, page 34)  

What O'Brien means is that when one is in peace the feeling is just so overwhelming that it cannot be handled. When you think about it, in his case he was fighting for peace. He was part of violence for the outcome of peace. Even though he reached the state he was looking for, he had to go through some mad and tough situations in order to get there. He most likely ended the peace for someone else. Even though he enjoyed this feeling, he felt guilty for earning it; most likely of how he earned it, in a cowardly way. He probably wanted to get back at this feeling that caused him to act like such a savage, thats what he means by hurting it back. He wishes that there was a way to earn revenge for what drove him to commit such actions. For all we know, peace was earned by murdering someone who was a threat to tranquility. How can he not want to hurt this so called peace, that even though satisfactionary, caused great regret at the same time. Ironic isn't it. 

This quote describes that in order for peace to be trully attained, it must be seeked in a peaceful manner. Peace is a state of freedom from disturbance; one cannot be free of disturbance if one is haunted by memories. What good does it do if I kill a murderer for self protection, if then my heart, soul and mind will never be free of my conscience, they will never be at peace. Physical peace will be reached, but mental peace however will never be attained. One might feel in peace at the moment, but really the mind wants to hurt this feeling that causes disturbance in our moral. From this we can conclude that peace was never reached in the Vietnam War. Perhaps violence was ended and the land was free of that disturbance, but people still hated this "search for peace." The soldiers  will never be at peace with themselves due to the regrets they hold, the lives they took and the sins they commited. They might be satisfied at some points, but at other points they just want to hurt this so called "freedom of disturbace" that droved them to create violence.  

War Letters

Dear Mami,

I know that as you read these words you have tears rolling down your cheek to your neck. I know that every night you pray to San Don Bosco to keep me safe; I know that you think of me every moment of the day and send your love. Even though we are miles aways I can feel whats inside your soul, and it gives me strength.

I guess Franky's studies must be going well, his career will flower to bring him great success. I wish him luck, please let him know. As for papi, I know he misses every second of holding his baby girl and smelling her coconut-scented hair--We will return to those times soon. I promise. Take my word. To you I do not have alot to say since you know me so well and vice versa. I cannot lie to you as you cannot lie to me. Please don't reply saying that you are fine, because I know that anxiety is consuming you (remember I can tell just by the way you curl your "y" and "g.") I beg of you to tell me what is actually happening back home, the government's future plans for the war and most importantly your advice. Oh and Duqui! I miss petting her black fur and lying on her chubby tummy, hearing the rhythm of her tail against the tile floors.

Like I said, I cannot lie to you. I cannot pretend that you will buy the claim that there isn't a single scratch on my face and body, that I remain unchanged, unscared and complete. Mami, the nights are cold and theres no one to kiss me goodnight. I pray to God and San Don Bosco as you taught me, I always carry my holy pin and bracelets, they seem to isolate me from the evil that lies on these lands; they lead me to a safe path. All I want to do is to keep my relationship with you as open as it always was and always will be, I don't want this war to ruin one more thing. Don't ever forget I love you, Franky, Papi and Duqui--We remain strong and united through whatever.

Love,
Ana Lorena Garcia



Letter Annalysis: 

I described in the last paragraph of my letter that I have a very open relationship with my mother. I tell herneverything going on in my life; she knows my deepest hopes and dreams, my darkest fears, my wishes, my beliefs. By just looking into my eyes she knows exactly whats on my mind. There is no other person in the world that understands me like she does, she is truly my best friend. If I were in war all i would want to do would be to calm her down somehow, and I know that in order to do that I would have to talk to her directly some way. I chose to write to her because it is a proccess that I know would bring tranquility to both me and her, this letter would strengthen our relationship even more.

Like I said this letter is written to provide comfort and support. I shared what was neccessary about the war, I didn't keep away my pain but I kept away specific details of what was occurring. It would be a horrible experience for her to find out all that was happening though a piece of paper, I would rather tell her how I avoid these horrific situations through what she has provided me. I kept the letter quite deep and I didn't pretend to be happy and completely safe, but I shared what I know she would value: hope and faith.

The Things They Carried

An array of neccessities I always "hump" with me:

• 5 Spearmint Gum
• Walllet (money, ID, etc) 
• Pads
• Perfume (pictured is Moonlight Path by Bath and Bodyworks) 
• Chapstick 
• Eyedrops
• Also my Iphone which I used to take the picture above

One of my neccesities is chaptick. I can never remember using chapstick when I lived as a little kid here in Panama, but when I moved to Edmonton, chapstick became my lips' bestfriend during that harsh, dry winter. My lips would crack and I was tempted to bite the dead skin, it was just HORRIBLE! The only thing that made it better was of course chapstick! The thing is that chapstick is not only a neccessity in dry weather anymore; Even in Panama's humid climate, I have to apply it to keep my lips from burning. It it probably a habit that I will never grow out of... actually, my lips are burning as a write this blog entry. BTW... I find the best chapstick is Nivea; its so buttery and moisturizing!

The second item I cannot live without also has to do with change in climate. Since I moved back to Panama about a year ago I started suffering again from dryness, but this time in my eyes. I have speculated that it is the air conditioning that creates the burning sensation, which may also very well be irritating not only my eyes but also my lips. Anyways... I NEED to always have eyedrops with me. I put them on usually in the morning and before going to sleep, but there is also some times when I get these awful spazms in my eyes and the only thing that will make it better is the eyes drops. Currently I use NicoTears, they're nothing special, just artificial tears. But, they're the only ones that seem to do the trick.

The third item I always carry with me isn't in my purse but it is actually a piece of jewelry. This piece is like a safety blanket to me, it evolves over time as well. Before July, it was actually a bracelet of a guardian angel that my aunt had given to me when I was about four or five years old. Unfortunetly, it broke. I managed to save the beads and the charm and plan to put it in a new necklace. But for now, I wear a San Don Bosco pin. A few weeks ago my mother and I went to San Don Bosco's cathedral here in Panama and I reminded her about how my guardian angel had broken and asked her I could get something to look over me. My whole family has great faith in this saint; she bought me the pin and ever since I wear it on my shirt everyday. I have no doubt that my guardian angels and San Don Bosco look over me even if I forget  to wear my holy pieces of jewelry, but I like to keep them close anyways.

The Vietnam War

I am very embarrassed to say that I knew barely anything about the Vietnam War. The little I knew about this horrible era I owed to my brother; I watched him play Call of Duty: Black Ops during the summer of 2010. Before Literature class of October 22, 2012 the only two facts I was completely sure were correct were that the war was fought in Vietnam (though I didn't know were this country was located,) and that the US military was involved. I also speculated (WWW) that it was of great magnitude due to all the attention that this horrific event has recieved; here and there I also heard that it was during the presidency of John F. Kennedy. To be honest, seeing the "K" section in my chart makes me realize how ignorant and callow (WWW)  I really am.


What would I like to know? Lets see... Well first, who other than Vietnam and the United States were involved? What were the causes and effects? What was the outcome? Was its result in general good or just straight up tragedy? Basically, what was the Vietnam War?  Due to Ms. Colorado's lovely powerpoint presentation in class though I was provided with excellent information about the War. The one fact that I found completely disgusting was that this was a "living-room war;" please tell me if I am wrong, but I am just picturing a family watching savages blow each others' heads off. Ugh. I found it really interesting that soldiers were drafted and that many were poor and recieved a scholarship for fulfilling such duty. The most shockig statistic was that 304 000 victims were killed and 750 000 were disabled--Those were only the ones affected physically, but imagine those whose mental health suffered and experieced the loss of a loved one.

I find this topic to be very fascinating, it still left me wondering about some factors. Was there a specific person trying to spread communism? If so, who stopped it and who were the heroes of Vietnam? How did the US recover from such loss and why did it give up so instantly? I guess some of my unanswered questions will be responded to in The Things They Carried , but for the most part it is up to me to further research the Vietnam War.